Please help me I am drowning

When I was a child I was in the pool in the deeper area, and I had gotten out too deep. I was not a strong swimmer, I couldn't reach the bottom and I started to panic as my head started to sink under. Fighting as much as I could to keep above the water popping up and down as I quickly grew tired someone noticed my struggle and reach their hand to me and pulled me up. Sometimes we feel suffocated by all that is going wrong around us, we are struggling to breath, fighting for every breath as we franticly try to keep our heads above the water trying not to drown. Our hearts weighing so heavy, we can't see anyway how we can go on and keep fighting. Loosing our grip on hope. Just when we are about to give up and think we can't possibly take anymore He reaches His hand down and pulls us up. There have been times where I have and now feel like this. I have seen where I was lost in this deep hole, where it was just one thing after another, struggling just to make it through the day fearing what else could go wrong. Loosing hope and trust that God would glorify through that situation, fear and doubt creeping in and consuming me.

My husband and I were driving home from a visit to Maryland it was about 11pm and we decided to switch drivers because Greg was getting tired, we still had another 5 hours of driving to go. I climbed into the driver seat and we were back on our way home. Ten minutes after we switched, something hit us so hard it knocked the air out of me, I couldn't see anything or make out what had happened or what was happening. The car was spinning so violently, with the dark of night and seeing the other cars headlights spinning so fast it was impossible to see what was happening. When I didn't think it could get any worse we were hit again with great force, and then again and again. The whole time I just gripped the steering wheel as tight as I could trying my best in vain to maintain control of the car. Once I was able to catch my breath I started to cry out, very softly at first "Oh God" "Oh God!!" All I could do is keep crying out Oh God over and over and over again. It started out soft and increased in volume as the spinning and violent thrusts continued to hit our car. Meanwhile  I hear Greg sitting beside in a still small voice say " its gonna be ok" "Its ok sweetheart, were going to be ok" Finally the car came to a stop. Where we had started out in the first right hand lane we ended up 4 or 5 lanes over against a concrete barrier in the farthest left hand lane. As cars were passing our car you could hear the loud sound of them crushing pieces of our car's debris under their tires. Greg being fearful we may get hit from behind he grabbed my hand and helped me get out of the car. We ran across the busy highway to get to the right shoulder. Other cars had stopped to see if we were ok, by that time once I knew we were safe I broke down and started sobbing, the great turmoil weighed so heavy in my heart and stomach I started to vomit. Greg was fearful cause he saw blood on the back of my head and on my shirt. As I was standing on the side of the road crying and throwing up Greg and a kind women who had stopped to help started to search where the bleeding was coming from. Looking under my shirt and carefully checking my head. There was no blood, not even a scratch. What we thought was blood was BBQ sauce and wild cheery slushies we had in our cooler that had exploded all over us on impact. The lady asked me if I knew what had happened, through my tears I said no. She informed us that a 18 wheeler going at least 90 hit us, spun us around and continued to hit us 2 more times until we bounced along the concrete barrier where we finally came to a stop.  

God held us in His hand, He kept us safe. Things will be going fine one day until your hit so hard it knocks the air out of you, and then when you think you've had enough you could get hit again, and again. Through it all though, you can hear God still small voice tell you "Its gonna be ok, Its ok sweetheart, your going to be ok."

A week or so after I delivered Sara, Greg and I decided I couldn't go home and we needed a place by ourselves to be a family. So we felt  God had led us to Tuscaloosa we were going to be faithful and trust that He would provide. Even though it had been months since we had put our house on the market we decided to get an apartment and continue to pay our mortgage. Greg went to our house to pack the truck and bring our stuff to our new home. My Aunt and Uncle had come that same weekend to visit, they met me the morning we were moving into our apartment  to check out the new place and visit. As they walked in my Aunt told me she had gotten a call from Greg that our house had been broken into and there was damage to the doors that were kicked in to gain entry and the TV was stolen and our medication had been ransacked. Not known yet if my wedding ring or other jewelry had been taken. It felt like such a personal blow. But God glorified in it. The brake in gave us enough money to pay the house payment, bought Greg the big flat screen he had been wanting. Most of all Caden and I weren't there when it had happened after it just being the two of us {me at the time being pregnant} there by ourselves.

The bible has so many examples of how there have been desperate, heart broken and drowning situations that God was there to carrying them through and bring ultimate glory to the end. Joesph in Genesis was thrown into a pit by his brothers to be later sold as a slave to be taken to Egypt, then falsely accused, imprisoned. He remained faithful, then be put in a position of being second in command and saving everyone including his family from a horrible drought. Ruth looses her husband, brother in law and father in law decides to not return home to her family and false God but remain faithful to the one True God and her mother in law. We can see how God provided for them, and protected them. Hanna in 1 Samuel was so grieved over not being able to get pregnant she cried out to God in her despair that the Priest thought she was drunk, God gave her a child which she gave back to Him and made Him a might man of God and also blessed her with 3 more sons and 2 daughters. In Job, He lost everything, his children, his wealth and he got really sick. But God carried him through, restored his health and gave back even more then what he had lost. In Mark the disciples and Jesus were in a boat, Jesus was sleeping and a furious squall came up and waves broke over the boat and it was nearly swamped. They woke Jesus and asked Him do you not care if we all drown, He stood up and calmed the storm.

When Peter climbed out of the boat to walk to Jesus  on the water, he took his eyes off him and started drown. Then Jesus reached out his hand to save him.  Thats what Satan wants us to do, is take our eyes off of Jesus so we can be swallowed by the storm. There is a popular saying that God wont give you more then you can handle, I have yet to find that in the bible. I believe He allows more then you can handle, because He is there to carry you through. Paul in 2 Corinthians said 

2 Corinthians 1

 ¹ Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother,

   To the church of God in Corinth, together with all his holy people throughout Achaia:

 ² Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Praise to the God of All Comfort

 ³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ⁶ If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷ And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. ⁸ We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters,^[a] about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. ⁹ Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. ¹⁰He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, ¹¹ as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

In Romans 8:28 it says:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

We can't take our eyes off Christ, He is always faithful and will never leave us. Right after Greg lost his job last year, we moved in with family till we could get back on our feet. I was 10 days late and thought I was pregnant. It was the 2 year anniversary of Sara's death. That night I started to have really bad pain that would last for about a minute or two then leave for a few minutes and then come back again. This went on for hours that night, I was scared and in a lot of pain but we didn't have insurance so I couldn't go see anyone. I started to bleed very heavily. After hours the pain settled down and I was able to sleep. The next morning I was broken hearted, about everything, one thing after another and I just cried out to God and told him I just need to know you love me. I was feeling abandoned and lost. I went to church and they started out with a lady who stepped up and sang a song " 

 WRITTEN IN RED 

VERSE 1 
In letters of crimson God wrote His love 
On a hillside so long, long ago 
For you and for me Jesus died 
And love’s greatest story was told 
  
CHORUS 
I love you, I love you 
That’s what Calvary said 
I love you, I love you 
I love you written in red 
  
VERSE 2 
Down through the ages God wrote His love 
With the same hands that suffered and bled 
Giving all that He had to give 
A message so easily read 
  
CHORUS 
I love you, I love you 
That’s what Calvary said 
I love you… 
Oh precious is the flow 
That makes me white as snow 
No other fount I know 
Nothing but the blood of Jesus 
  
CHORUS 
I love you, I love you 
That’s what Calvary said 
I love you, I love you 
I love you written in red

"I love you", He answered me and reassured me He was still there. 

Sometimes when we take our eyes off Him we get so desperate we need to cry out like His child. A few weeks after we delivered Sara a friend came over to visit with her new born and Caden and I held him and kissed his little toes. When it was time for them to leave I gave her her baby back and Caden cried out as he ran to block the door to prevent them from leaving, "That is my mommy's baby don't take her baby away." He was in great despair.  A few weeks later he was acting out and Greg asked him what is wrong, He being only two years old looked at Greg with tears in his eyes and said " I look around and around for you all the time, and I not see you and I miss you."

We need to cry out to Him as His children, and ask Him to reveal Himself to us, bring us peace and comfort. He hasn't left He is always there, we just sometimes can't see Him cause of everything going on. We need to ask Him for help to hear His still small voice telling us its going to be ok. He is always faithful to carry us through and see us through each and every trail and in the end He will make all things come together for good.